Silly/dumb new parent actions
Inspired by our recent Best Parenting Advice You Never Wanted But Received Anyways Contest, my friend Angie (who has authored some great guest posts) emailed this in:
Your advice contest made me recall a piece of advice given to me about how babies loved their car seasts and how they are the magic solution to getting babies to sleep.
Well, the first week I was alone with Isaac, he was fussing and I could not get him to sleep other than in my arms. He was in a full-out crying spell so I put him in the car seat and was rocking and rocking it, and he just continued to wail. Me — and my inexperience — frantically wondered WHY ISN’T THIS WORKING? WHY ISN’T THIS WORKING?
What a silly new mom I was.
I can’t recall a specific incident like this (well, except for when we dropped Lucy off the stove…), but there are several things I notice we’re doing differently with Alice:
- Not tip-toeing around the house when Alice is sleeping: I remember being afraid to empty the dishwasher when Lucy was asleep upstairs, for goodness sake. Now, Lucy is running around, Spencer barks, the phone rings, and Alice is learning to sleep through it all — usually in her bouncy seat or swing in the middle of the chaos
- Waiting eight weeks to give a bottle: I was so worried Lucy would reject breastfeeding…she totally rejected the bottle instead. It was very frustrating not being able to leave the house for more than an hour and a half at a time. While Alice won’t be getting a fake nipple anytime soon, we definitely plan to try a bottle on her sooner, probably just after she’s a month old
- Leaving the baby with someone else: This ties into the bottle battle, too, but it was weeks and weeks before I felt anyone in the world could look after Lucy as well as I could. Or at least well enough not to cause anxiety and worry. With Alice? Pfft. My mother-in-law had her for almost two hours last week — she wasn’t even two weeks old — while Lucy and I ran errands
- Obsessive weigh-ins: Because breastfeeding was a struggle at first with Lucy, I was at the hospital’s breastfeeding clinic twice weekly, and would weigh Lucy every time. While I’m curious about Alice’s growth, I feel no overwhelming need to see numbers on a scale to know she’s thriving — the multiple daily poopy and wet diapers, plus chubbing up in her thighs, hands and cheeks are good enough
What about you? Do anything ridiculous with your baby, something that you look back on and roll your eyes at?
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I echo your comments about introducing the bottle, and leaving the baby with someone else “too” soon.
I was also concerned that Brady was eating “enough” at each feeding. He was a fast eater, and could be done one side in 10 minutes. Others I knew would have to feed for hours. Obviously he was thriving, he was growing like a beanpole!
My girlfriend’s daughter was born on the August long weekend. Her and her husband are already having weekly date nights (despite b’feeding). There was no way my husband and I were doing that yet, but good on them, and them with their first kid, too!
I don’t know. I’ve thought about some of these things too, and discussed them with friends, and also read a lot on various online parenting groups.
We weren’t very quiet at all around my baby when she was sleeping, and she was able to sleep right through nearly anything. But around 4 or 5 months, she started becoming more sensitive and we had to become more quiet to keep her asleep. Now I can’t even type in the next room! Which is not to say all babies develop like she did, but rather I think each baby is individual.
Also, in regard to keeping them around other people, so they won’t be so ‘clingy’ (for lack of a better word), don’t they go through phases? For a couple months mine would start crying if a stranger looked at her for too long. That came out of the blue! Now she’s back to laughing and smiling and baby-talking to strangers. I can’t think of anything that happened to cause these shifts. I’ve read that it just happens.
The one regret I have that I still feel a bit bad about is not dressing her warmly enough during one long winter walk
My big mistake with #1 was letting myself become ‘the only person who can quiet the baby’ by snatching him out of anyone else’s arms (including my husband’s) at the first whimper. Which meant that I was always the one who had to jump up from the dinner table, get up in the middle of the night, etc etc… and it was all my fault!
This time around I happily hand the shrieking baby to my husband and let the two of them work out their own comforting rituals.
I love Beth’s advice about not being the only one to comfort baby. What I’ve noticed with my different babes is that they develop different routines of comforting depending on who the comforter is. I love how smart babies are and how they need different things from different babies.
I can echo most of the comments here. I think the most important thing is finding something that works for you and your family and you and your baby. Find out what your priorities are (what’s important to have happen) and work from there figuring out how to achieve that. Of course, baby often has its own ideas and that’s where the struggle can come in - often an internal one too.
There’ve probably been tons of ridiculous things I’ve done but my mind’s drawn a blank. I think the best thing is to have a community of friends you can turn to who can share their experiences with you - when you ask them. You then can take bits and pieces from them and adapt it to your own personal situation. Hopefully you’ll then feel less like you’re being ridiculous and more like you’re being validated in your choices.
Gosh where do I start… When I brought home my little girl 2 years ago, like any new mom I was the IT MOM. I changed her, monitored my husband changing her (to tell him he was doing it all wrong of course)the list goes on. Now that she is two, not so much. Today we went out for dinner and she was rolling on the floor and playing peek a boo with the people beside us at the resturant(I tried to stop her as if that was going to stop her lol) My, my how 2 years has changed us. When we have our second one hopefully soon he/she will have to thank his/her older sister for breaking the tight ropes. lol
Most ridiculous thing I’ve done so far? (I say so far, as I’m sure I’m still doing ridiculous things, that eventually I will roll my eyes at, but can’t see it right now)… Not allowing the baby to “watch” tv. To the point that I would turn the tv off if she so much as looked in that direction. I think I read somewhere that watching too much tv was linked to ADHD or something and I became obsessed with the fact that “my baby” wasn’t going to be babysat by the tv.
Fast forward less than 12 months later? I only wish she would be entranced by it like some of my friend’s children are. If only so I could make dinner without tripping over her.
I echo a lot of your comments Carly, and a lot of the comments here.
I do find that my second one has such a different personality than the first, that of course I do things different. Eric was such a cuddly baby, loved to suck, loved to eat and eat and eat, and therefore loved the bottle when I introduced it, could be soothed with a soother, cuddle, etc. He napped in the swing every day for the first year of his life, never tried to climb out of his crib or intellitainer, and would sit in his vibrating chair (for a few minutes at a time) long after he could walk.
Andrew, on the other hand, is a mover & shaker. He’s not a particularly cuddly baby. He’s always on the move. He doesn’t like to be tied down. (ie: swing, chair, car seat) He does like to be held, but is still moving, moving, moving as you hold him. He feeds until he’s full, then stops. He has rejected the soother, and isn’t terribly fond of the bottle. I let him cry to sleep a bit more (and earlier) than I did with Eric because there’s less that can soothe him. (soother, cuddle, etc.) At almost 9 months he has almost climbed out of his intellitainer, and isn’t content to stay still anywhere. It’s hard to say if Andrew was more like Eric personality-wise how things would be different.