In these arms
Who would ever believe this seemingly innocent and adorable face could cause so much stress and mental duress?
Doesn’t it amaze you the power babies have? They are so small and helpless, completely dependent upon us, yet can break us in an instant.
Yesterday started off well: Alice slept until 9 a.m., was cheery and smiley and cooey all morning. She had a little catnap in my arms (a treat, I assure you, and that’s important to know) when I was on the phone late morning.
After a lunch time feed, a poop and requisite smile time in the bouncy chair, it was obviously time for a nap. Alice was cranky and making her “I’m tired and need to tell you about it” cries that sound like she’s talking to you — awwwrrr, haaa, rawwwhhh — combined with yawns and droopy eyes.
She fell asleep easy enough, with a bit of walking around and kissing.
But apparently I didn’t receive the memo that, during the day, her basinette contains flesh-eating acid. Because every time I put her down, she’d a) instantly wake up and cry, or b) sleep for five minutes and wake up and cry. Pick her up, she’d almost instantly fall back asleep.
It looks so laughingly no-big-deal written down, but not when it happens over and over and over again, for hours. It was beyond frustrating, and I was exhausted. She was exhausted. Our cries were intermingled a few times, lemme tell you.
Since she’s been home, during the day Alice has mostly slept in the swing (although not so much lately, as she wakes up after a half hour, usually) or sling (far more during the Newborn Witching Hours in the evening) or, if we’re out, the carseat. Normal behaviour for a newborn, I think.
As she’s getting older and becoming more aware of her surroundings, however, it’s obviously time to get her to sleep in her room. She’s more sensitive to us stomping around — Lucy, THIS MEANS YOU — Spencer barking, the television etc.
And I am not a perma-carrier, most decidedly not a member of the attachment parenting realm. My babies get a ton of affection and attention without having to carry them around all day (when they need it and are upset,of course they are in my arms) and share our bed. I’m a big believer in everyone needing their space. That being said, Alice has spent the odd nap — especially when she was first born — dozing on my chest, spent the first two nights of her life in the hospital bed with me, and has happily napped in various family and friends’ arms while visiting.
At night, she’s always in her basinette. This weekend? Slept both days for multiple hours in her basinette during the day.
I’ve no clue what went wrong yesterday. During one irrational moment, I waved an angry finger in her face: “You are so not winning this battle, Missy. I am not carrying you around all day.”
Some of you, I know, are cringing and going to remind me that they are only babies once, that they will only want to be in our arms for such a short time. And believe me, I know this. She’s called Lucy, “I’m almost three, Mama,” and daily she pushes my hugs away to play instead.
I’m sure yesterday was just an anomaly. It will be a blip on the screen in Alice’s life, and yet another example of my Mom’s so-true wisdom that the days are long (ohdeargod, can they be long…) but the years are fast.
Alice is awake and crying now. She needs these arms.
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There are currently 11 responses
I understand…I sooooo totally understand. I love my kids and I loved having them sleep in my arms every now and then. BUT, whenever they seemed to want to cross that line from “every now and then” to “all the time” it drove me crazy. I’m like you…I need my space sometimes.
Even now that my kids are a bit older I love to cuddle with them as they fall asleep. But once they are asleep I also like to carefully unwrap my arms from around them and scurry off to do my own thing.
Oh goodness I SO know what you’re talking about with the putting them down and pretty much so as soon as you do they’re up! Ayven went through that terrible phase pretty much so at the same age as Alice. It drove me insane! After a few days of him seeming to not get much sleep, our doctor advised comforting him without holding him, every 5 minutes, rub their back, speak to them, calm them. It sounds kinda like “yea right, that won’t work”, but it did.
Even though he was so young, he was still playing games with us, so we showed him that he can’t always sleep in our arms, that his bassinet is the place to be, and he took to it within a couple days or shooshing and calming, he was a pro!
It’s really paid off in the long run too because he knows easily how to soothe himself to sleep which makes bedtimes a breeze.
we had this problem recently as well, we STARTED swaddling him at 2 months old and it worked like a charm. We have other sleeping issues now that he’s almost 6 months but that’s another story.
Oh yeah…my kids LOVED to be swaddled. Definitely recommend you try that. With Hana I tried swaddling early on and she wasn’t a fan, but at about 6 weeks I tried again and as soon as I did she started sleeping so much better. She slept swaddled till she was well past a year old. I kept having to search for bigger and bigger blankets to wrap around her.
Funny, but until I saw Lisa’s comment I almost forgot about all the swaddling. Amazing how we live and breathe all these things when the kids are young and then they slip from our minds only a few years later.
What a cute picture of little (getting bigger!) Alice. Hard to get exasperated with her when you see that big smile.
My thing – the shushing and comforting but not picking up helped a lot as he grew older (maybe a couple of months older than Alice is now).
Hope today is better!.
I so totally am NOT speaking to anyone about babies sleeping because a) I have some of the worst examples for kids and b) because m jealousy will cause me to do bad things to people…
BUT…
if you do decide to start swaddling again, I have a very lightly used Miracle Blanket that you can borrow.
silly question … are the sides of the bassinette, see through or solid? If their solid that might be the problem .. Alice can’t see what’s going on around her. Same thing happened with our kids when I put them in the beautiful cradle that my dad made. The sides on it were too high and they couldn’t see anything except straight up. When I put them in the basinette that had mesh sides, no problems.
I also put Caity’s bassinette on our coffee table and turned the TV up on purpose at nap time – so she’d learn to sleep through it. Later when she outgrew that one, I put her in her playpen which was right by the TV speaker. Not only did she have no problem sleeping, but she still can sleep through anything… Caity learned that the basinette was for nap time and her crib was for bed time, until she out grew it all …
Hope that helps.
oh such bad grammar !! the above should have read “if they’re” … 1000 lashes with a wet noodle!
[...] My friend Carly writes about the trials and tribulations of being a young Mom in Durham. Today she wrote an interesting post about her new baby Alice and what a headache it has been trying to get her to [...]
What a cute picture!
I totally understand what you’re going through. It is the most frustrating thing to set them down and have them wake up – over & over & over. And all you want to do is get a glass of water or throw in some laundry or – gasp – enjoy a few minutes to yourself.
I swaddled Andrew at this age. It really seemed to help. I leave the TV or radio on during naps to have background noise. At night I also have “white noise” in both my kids rooms. Andrew has a fan and Eric a radio on static. It helps dull out the other noises.
[...] Cathy (January 13, 2009) – What a cute picture! I totally… [...]