Keeping them safe
Last week a few friends were exchanging one of those list, get-to-know-your-friends emails. One of the questions was, “What are you afraid of?”
Almost all of us answered something about our kids being kidnapped or dying.
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Lucy is away from me three days a week at daycare, generally from 8 a.m.-4 p.m.
She occasionally stays over night with family members.
I’ve yet to drop her off at a party or playgroup, although I sense that is coming — more from other parents as opposed to her wanting me to leave.
At just about four, I have very high-level conversations with her about safety. Not, like, road safety, or holding hands etc. But those dark safety topics.
Like strangers. And inappropriate touching.
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I can’t scare the poor thing. She has just come out of her shell the past six months, and the last thing I want to do is send her back in, traumatize her, or make her fearful of the world.
On the other hand, that education has to start somewhere at sometime, doesn’t it?
I try to bring it up nonchalantly, when it’s in context.
Like last night. Lucy has had three nights of dry pull-ups (!!!) and we were talking about the potty, peeing, how big girls wear underwear to bed, and baginas.
“But no one touches you there at school or anywhere else, right, Goosey?”
“Nope, Mumma. Juuuust me!” Then she skipped across the room to turn off her light.
*whew* Operation Scary Detail Soliciting a success.
We’ve talked a bit about only talking to people when Mumma or Daddy are with her. No matter who it is — friendly neighbours, family, daycare providers (except when AT daycare, of course). Gently. See: not scaring, above.
This weekend I want to teach her what 911 on the phone means, and when/how to use it.
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Thoughts? How do those with older kids — especially those in school — deal with this? How do you (or plan to) bring it up? Does 4 seem like an appropriate age to start all of this?
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There are currently 10 responses
I think that age is great, we started even I think at 3 my daughter never sat in a stroller so going to the Mall or the the busy park she like to run. So we started talking about strangers.
I always tried to take the moment when it come up, in any way, to educate my kids about these important things…I always told my daughter who is almost 5 to listen to her inside voice when things don’t feel right, they are probably not right…. The best stranger to talk to you when we get seperated is a mom with a stroller…..
But I think It will never take away the fear of a mom or Dad for that matter.
I think you are starting at the right age too, I started around the age of 4 with Mr. I. One tool I used is the storybook The Berenstein Bears Let’s Talk About Strangers. Mr. I went through a phase where he loved this TV and book series so it was a natural opportunity to open the discussion. Also I don’t think it’s just a one-time discussion, it’s on-going. For example, I drop and pick up Mr. I from school and one day I was almost late. It occured to me: would he know what to do if I didn’t show up one day? So we discussed it. And we did the 911 talk awhile ago but we review it from time to time. I wrote on a piece of paper in black marker and stuck it on the wall near the designated phone. And most recently I’ve been teaching him how to dial.
I agree, I think it is a good age to start talking about it to kids… We have started with Mya as well… When we go to the Dr for her physical, my dr wants to look in her “bagina” as well to make sure all is ok, first she asks Mya’s permission, and she tells Mya, “now remember Mya, this is ok ONLY because mommy and daddy are here too…It is not ok for anyone else to touch you if mommy and daddy aren’t around” We have done the whole stranger thing at the mall too, but for the most part Mya still likes to ride in our “cool” stroller… We tell her too, in regards to talking to strangers, it is also ok only when mommy and daddy are around… We even do that with neighbours that we don’t know ALL that well…
I probably fail at parenting, but we’ve always told Eirinn that if she lets go of our hands or runs out of our sight that a stranger might steal her and eat her.
I know, I know. It’s probably about time we approach it at a different angle. But it’s worked so far. I guess I tend to use scare tactics rather than ease it onto her.
I tell her that people shouldn’t see under her clothes. If we cover it with clothes, than it’s private, is what I say. I’ll get into the “touching” part of this soon.
And maybe I’ve misunderstood, but you taught her not to talk to family members unless you or Eric are with her?
Guess I meant more extended family. And that she never go with ANY family unless we say it’s ok or there is an emergency.
Gotcha. I had visions of your parents or in-laws babysitting Lucy for the day and her not saying a word the entire time. Just staring at them, sideways, suspiciously.
And THAT comment, Jen, is why I love you. You’re hilarious.
Jaxson just turned 3 and we have started thinking about what to say to him and how to approach the subject. I think starting early is good.
I remember when I was a kid my family had a password, we would all agree on it and once we used it once we would change it. So if anyone came to pick us up (anyone other than my Mom and Dad) even if we knew them we had to ask what the password was and if they didn’t know it we didn’t go with them. One day (I was 5 or 6) my Mom sent our neighbour to pick me up from school, she forgot to tell her the password, so when I asked and she didn’t know it I refused to go with her. The school secretary had to track my Mom down to see if it was OK since I wouldn’t leave the school.
For strangers and school safety we have a code word. And L knows that whoever picks him up- if I asked grandma, carly or whoever – he is not allowed to leave w them unless the know our code word. No exceptions. I taught him 911 early becuase when I was prehnant with maeve I kept passing out. I think what u are doing is great. Our library has great and non scary books.
Thanks for bringing this topic up Carly. My daughter starts JK in the fall and I haven’t started the stranger/inappropriate touching talks with her yet. Mostly because I hadn’t thought to. She almost never leaves my sight, but anything can happen on a trip to the mall.
Thanks again.