Eric: It says a lot about your life right now that your racy underwear got washed with a load of bibs, towels and napkins. And has been sitting on the fireplace hearth for three days.

Carly: Oh, shut up. It’s the new interior decorating style of the working mother.

Last week a few friends were exchanging one of those list, get-to-know-your-friends emails. One of the questions was, “What are you afraid of?”

Almost all of us answered something about our kids being kidnapped or dying.

______________

Lucy is away from me three days a week at daycare, generally from 8 a.m.-4 p.m.

She occasionally stays over night with family members.

I’ve yet to drop her off at a party or playgroup, although I sense that is coming — more from other parents as opposed to her wanting me to leave.

At just about four, I have very high-level conversations with her about safety. Not, like, road safety, or holding hands etc. But those dark safety topics.

Like strangers. And inappropriate touching.

__________

I can’t scare the poor thing. She has just come out of her shell the past six months, and the last thing I want to do is send her back in, traumatize her, or make her fearful of the world.

On the other hand, that education has to start somewhere at sometime, doesn’t it?

I try to bring it up nonchalantly, when it’s in context.

Like last night. Lucy has had three nights of dry pull-ups (!!!) and we were talking about the potty, peeing, how big girls wear underwear to bed, and baginas.

“But no one touches you there at school or anywhere else, right, Goosey?”

“Nope, Mumma. Juuuust me!” Then she skipped across the room to turn off her light.

*whew* Operation Scary Detail Soliciting a success.

We’ve talked a bit about only talking to people when Mumma or Daddy are with her. No matter who it is — friendly neighbours, family, daycare providers (except when AT daycare, of course). Gently. See: not scaring, above.

This weekend I want to teach her what 911 on the phone means, and when/how to use it.

_________

Thoughts? How do those with older kids — especially those in school — deal with this? How do you (or plan to) bring it up? Does 4 seem like an appropriate age to start all of this?

Lucy is colouring her birthday party invitations.

Alice is sitting on the floor at her feet playing with circus Lego.

Spencer is snoring on the couch.

There are blueberry oatmeal muffins in the oven.

I just did a sink of dishes.

And unloaded the dishwasher.

While sipping a hot cup of Empress tea (I love you, Pat!).

I’m dressed in a pink cardigan and polo shirt.

(No slacks, though. Or pearls.)

I feel like a Stepford Wife.

Or maybe June Cleaver.

At least for a few minutes.

Because now

Alice is at my knee.

And she has let loose the mother of all poops.

(The leaky kind, judging by the circle of wet on the back of her thigh.)

Lucy is screeching because her ponytail is blue and not pink.

Spencer is barking at the melting snowman in the backyard.

And my muffins fell when they came out of the oven.

Bliss.

For a moment.

Lucy, I think we need a name for us, for when it’s just us spending time together.

Yah. Because me and Mumma and Alice are the three toots.

What do you think about calling you and Daddy the two bums?

No. How about the two baginas?

Oh. I don’t have a bagina, so I can’t be in that club.

Have you ever tasted something that quite literally makes your eyes close and roll up behind the lids? A piece of food that the mere thought of makes your mouth water?

I’m not a big cake eater. But Siobhan’s cupcakes did this for my entire family.

Look at these lovelies:

Moist, airy, not-too-sweet. Siobhan makes this to-die-for buttercream frosting, and homemade fondant, which she molds into the shapes you see. This winter she also started baking mini cakes to the detriment of waistlines everywhere. But the tastebuds are going nutty with flavours like classic vanilla and chocolate, and spiced apple and walnut for the more adventurous.

She lives in Ajax with her two sons and hubby, works a day job, then bakes. She’s a rockstar. If you ever need some special treats for a birthday, wedding, or party of any sort, think of her, and check out her website at For the Love of Cupcakes (you should pop over there just to see the gallery of deliciousness. There are sheep cupcakes, people. Sheep!).

Because we need to share the love of cupcakes at Durham Region Baby, I have a half dozen Valentine’s or floral ones to give away to a lucky reader. Check out Siobhan’s site and leave a comment with your favourite creation. We’ll pick a winner tomorrow.

Happy drooling!

At almost 15 months, Alice says many words: Bah (ball), wuff-wuff (dog), dah-dee (daddy), no-no-no-no (I’ve taught her to wave her finger like a diva) and nigh-nigh (night-night). She also throws perfectly pitched kisses, complete with sucking her palm, fingers splayed over her face, to produce the drawn out kiss noise.

But her favourite word on the planet is mom.

This comes in many forms: Meh. Mum-Mum. Mumma. Maw. Mam. More often than not, it’s in the form of a question, with a lilt at the end.

She repeats it. Over and over and over. Whether I’m in the room or not. During diaper changes. While playing. In between bites of food. At daycare. Even in the middle of the night, when she pushes the edges of wakefulness — “Mumma?” — then silence as she drifts back to slumber.

She’s like a lost, wandering, confused sheep. Mom?Mam?Mumma? instead of baabaabaa.

Over the Christmas holidays, when this really kicked in, we were at the Pickering Town Centre for the morning. Alice’s questioning call echoed through the entire building, wafting up to the roof and floating down. I was right beside her almost the entire time, smiling and rolling my eyes at everyone snickering at my repetitive munchkin, my skipping CD on two chubby toddler legs.

It’s cute and flattering. It can be annoying. It’s annoying at 6 a.m. when it starts, quickly yanking me awake (doesn’t a child’s call of “Mom?” do that instantaneously to every mother?). It borders on maddening when Lucy takes up the call. Then it’s Marco Polo “Mam?” from two ends of our upstairs, feeding off each other.

Behold my flock of bleating sheep-children.

Mum?

The four of us are in the basement.

The girls chase balls from the Ball Popper and fight over the Little People bus and giggle. I lounge in the big padded chair, legs dangling, while Eric sprawls on the floor twirling a plastic orange.

Mash-ups fill the air. Do any of you watch Glee? Did you see the episode where the girls sang Halo/Walking on Sunshine and the guys sang It’s My Life/My Confessions? We’d heard mash-ups before, but became obsessed after that episode. Now hundreds mark our playlists.

On came Earth, Wind Fire vs. Flo Rida: Low Let’s Groove Tonight. A perfect mix of old and new.

Eric and I’s eyes meet across the room. Both our heads are bopping in time to the beat, and I know we are both physically present in the room, but back on the dance floor where we first met and spent almost every weekend our first two years together. Bass thumping, laser lights flickering, sweat, drinks, seemingly never-ended nights of craziness, early morning breakfasts at Golden Griddle.

We share a moment, a secret smile while the girls whirl around us.

There is our life now, our most precious and exasperating children, snuggly and half-deaf dog, forever home and work we never anticipated.

But before it all there was just us. I love this history that anchors our marriage, that gives context and meaning and foundation.

Lucy bodychecks Alice away from a tower of blocks, and tandem screeching wrenches us back into the moment.

Another snippet of life remembered and written.

This afternoon I pre-registered my baby Lucy for junior kindergarten with a very nice woman with an English accent.

She will likely go Monday, Wednesday and every other Friday. Seeing as she already does three days a week of daycare, this will not be a huge transition for her. I will more than likely send her to daycare on the Tuesday and after school so I still get a full work day and work week.

(Even though Lucy suction cups herself to me upon pick up from daycare, she has informed me that when she goes to kindergarten, she will be a bigger girl and will no longer miss me. Or, only a little bit.)

There was much hoopla in the media, on my friends’ blogs and Facebook pages the past few days regarding the Province’s implementation of full-day kindergarten at select schools. See this list for public schools here, and Catholic schools here. Traditional introduction into the school system has been what Lucy will experience, and in the beginning, staggering kids in over several short days, as opposed to full days right off.

While five days seems like a bit much for a 3 or 4-year-old, the rather angry backlash has surprised me. I’m hoping y’all can enlighten me as to why some parents are so upset about this. I have friends on all sides of the spectrum: One is disappointed her son will not get the same amount of schooling as those kids in the full-day program, and will thus be behind his peers. Another is upset her daughter — having almost no formal daycare/large group programming/other kid exposure — will struggle to transition into full-day school. Another is thrilled that her daycare costs will come down and her daughter will not have to be shuffled around from school to daycare and more.

Thoughts? Whether your child is starting school this year or not?

On Friday, the Toronto Star’s Family Issues Reporter Andrea Gordon interviewed me on a really interesting topic: As a parent, do you feel supported by your neighbours and the community at large?

The survey (see story, below) says most parents do not. I was rather shocked by that, and said so. There are so many more resources for parents today, as well as change tables, family rooms, hell — even parking spots for expectant and new parents. I do agree we are a more insular society in that we don’t communicate with our neighbours as much as past decades. But — I also feel your world and parenting experience is what you make it.  Things are not going to land in your lap.

That’s one of the reasons I started Durham Region Baby, to pull all of those fabulous resources together, and join together the fabulous community of parents here.

Thoughts?

Parents feel community support lacking

January 11, 2010
Andrea Gordon, Family Issues Reporter

They say it takes a village, but a survey of 2,500 Canadian parents has found that only a quarter feel they have a high level of support from their community when it comes to raising their children.

“The challenges for parents have never been greater, yet they do not experience the support they need,” says Carol Crill Russell, senior research adviser with Invest in Kids, which conducted the detailed online survey in early 2007.

She says the findings are critical because mothers and fathers who feel valued and encouraged in what they consider the most important job of their lives make better parents.

“Parenting behaviour is strongly related to the support they feel,” she says.

The full report will be released in the next couple of months, but Crill Russell shared some highlights Friday at a Toronto symposium on early childhood.

Invest in Kids, a non-profit devoted to research and public education, has done studies showing that the more parents feel confident and the more they understand child development, the more positive their behaviour towards their kids. They are more inclined to praise, laugh and play with their children than scold, punish or shame them.

Crill Russell notes that income and education made no difference.

The latest survey, which included a cross-section of parents from different regions, social classes and ethnic backgrounds across the country, underlines that community supports are also key.

It asked parents about the support they received from four sources: their partners; their own parents; other family members and friends; and the neighbourhood community.

Among its findings:
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