Work life balance has been a big topic around Chez McDougall-Foster lately.

I gave Eric an ultimatium a few weeks ago: Either we find the money to put the girls in another day of daycare, or I get a laptop.  A laptop would extend my work time in the evenings, and allow me to at least stay on top of email on the one or two days a week Lucy and Alice are home with me.

The laptop won.

It’s been a blessing and a curse. More much-needed work getting done, but now I feel like I’m working all. the. time.

Don’t get me wrong for a second: I absolutely love working for myself. I love working from home. I love being close to my girls, and picking them up each day, and enjoying my time with them.

But it doesn’t mean I’m doing laundry and making dinner the three days they’re in daycare. So it’s just like I leave the house each day from 8:30-4:30, except some days I don’t shower and I interview people in my fuzzy pink pajamas.

There still exists the same pressure of when to buy groceries, getting food on the table at a reasonable time, keeping things relatively clean and tidy. Oh, and keeping a marriage going, volunteering and having a semblance of a social life.

I still look back and snort at our pre-kids life and ever thinking we were busy. Or tired.

How do you manage it all? Do you feel under control at the office and home? Do all parents walk around with a facade of togetherness?

Several months ago, I met Kirsty in real life after kinda stalking her for a few years. Over drinks with a bunch of fellow local female entrepreneurs, we got the idea to do a magazine. Then we got all ridiculous, and put one out in seven weeks, and almost killed ourselves and our families. Then we did it again. And last month shipped out issue three of Uxbridge Town Talk.

This is what I’ve been doing since late August. It is the hardest, most rewarding work I’ve ever done. It is the embodiment of everything I stand for: Supporting, living and shopping local, community spirit, people and places. It is what keeps Eric up at night, worrying about money. It is my dream come true.

Not that Eric isn’t super busy and stressed at work. But some days it certainly feels like this, don’t you agree?

Babies and children may not fully understand the concepts of gratitude and sacrifice so woven into parenthood, but today has shown me they have their own way of saying thank you.

And I love you.

_____

I went into Lucy’s room this morning, and she greeted me with her usual big smile, and cheerful “Mumma! I missed you when I was sleeping!” But then she turned her head and I had to stifle a scream: The whole half of her face, from the top of her forehead to the bottom of her nose, was completely swollen. Her eye was almost closed up.

Something bit her in the middle of the night, and her body overreacted (thanks Bob the pharmacist @ Shopper’s Drug Mart in the Boonies). She’s on puffy face infection watch, Benadryl and hydrocortisone for 24 hours, after which we have to take her to a doctor if the swelling isn’t down.

She’s acting almost like her normal self, except pretty clingy and extra affectionate.

“Mummy, take care of me. Mumma, I love you. Please take care of me.”

Oh, my Baby Goose. I try. Every single day.

_____

Both girls are also battling colds, and we had an absolutely draining, exhausting and often angry weekend dealing with two drained, exhausted and often angry sick kidlets.

We’ve dubbed them Quasimodo and the Snot Sister.

_____

Alice’s symptoms are a few days behind Lucy’s, so today the snot is just pouring out and she’s swallowing excessively with what must be a sore throat. She woke up this morning with mucus, crusted green and yellow, on her hair and eyes and cheeks and chubby chin. And that sickly-sweet illness smell. She is whiny and sad and mostly miserable.

Yet each time I pick her up, she takes my face in her hands with a shining-eyed grin, leans in, and gives me an unprompted, snot-slobbery open-mouthed kiss on the cheek.

I’m sure she is echoing her sister’s plea, in her own way.

_____

As Eric drove to work today — late, as Lucy and I scrambled to the pharmacy — I’m sure it was with slumped shoulders: Aching physical and emotional tiredness from home, the place that normally gives such rest and relaxation from a very stressful job.

And me. I am touched out and covered in smears, some crunchy, some still soft: Tears and snot and spit and love-infused goobers from my tiny beings.

Yes, we are weary. Yes, we joked about posting an ad on eBay — For Sale: Two Small Children. Slightly Damaged. — when walking home from the farmer’s market yesterday morning, both girls screeching in the stroller.

But there is something so powerful and soul-lifting about them wanting you, and only you. Who knew one day we would wield such unflinching and unwavering comfort?

That is gratitude and love. Unspoken, but ever present.

I hope the girls don’t grow up resenting me for putting them in matching outfits, because it’s a little sad how excited I get doing so. I didn’t think I’d be like “that,” except here are four examples since Alice was born seven months ago. And it doesn’t include this weekend when they wore matching blue gingham dresses, white shirts and shoes and pink hair clips to a birthday party and wedding, and I said to Eric, “This, right here, is worth the combined 20 hours I spent pushing these two into the world.”

(In my defence, Lucy LOVES dressing the same as Alice.
So I do it for her, really. Really.)

Christmas, 2008: Purchased these because I was determined to get a matchy-matchy Christmas tree shot, in what I hope is a yearly tradition until Lucy and Alice’s joint eye rolling leaves their pupils lodged in their heads, and their groans take the fun out of it. Maybe when they’re 20-ish?

Easter, 2009: Pajamas a gift from the lovely Colleen (Alice clearly enjoying being strangled by her sister)

Mother’s Day 2009: Presents from my sister

Dinner, two weeks ago: My boss from my last job brought the girls back these dresses from Maui. Note the two doing identical leg lifts and hand expressions

So far, I have not dressed myself to match them. If it gets to that, someone please slap me.

UPDATE:
(Oh, no, Laura, you’re right. Help! Help!)

The last package arrived yesterday evening, and I can’t believe all the goodies I have to give away to you at the Durham Parent Baby & Kids Show tomorrow: more than $1,000 worth of treats!

• Haircuts, shampoos & accessories from Melonhead Children’s Hair Care
• Alien on Board maternity shirts from Spegg Wear
• Spa gift basket from Finest Expressions
• Hair & soother clips from Clippopotamus Hair Clips & Accessories
• Homeopathic gift certificate and cough syrup from Keri Wilkins Homeopathic Services
• Bath & hand yummies from Breathe Natural Bath & Body Products and MarketMomsOnline
• Free portrait session and gift certificates from Shelly Ferguson Photography
• Coupons from Bellybutton the Clown
• Tagalicious Blankie from Balaboosta Baby
• Hat, headband and clips from Sugar & Spice Bows & Accessories
• Eight-week workout session from Mommy and Baby Fitness

Please stop by and say hello to Eric, Alice and I, and enter to win all this awesome stuff, OK? There are 13 prizes in total, so your chance of winning something is, as Lucy would say, awe-sommmme!

Special thanks to all the local businesses who generously donated products and services. We couldn’t be prouder to be offering such kick ass goodies to our readers from the fantastic network of parent-geared companies in Durham Region.

In all my spare time (hardeeharhar) I’ve been working really hard on this site and Durham Region Daycare, getting them ready for when I attend two shows next month: The Baby and Toddler Show in Ajax, and the Mamas and Chicks Show in Oshawa.

I’m terribly excited. And nervous. I’ve supported and promoted local shows for years through this site, and to now be invited to attend is a Big Deal. There will be hundreds of parents to showcase to — including a bunch of you, as I’ve got free tickets to dish out soon!

All of it is for y’all, you know. I mean, writing about Lucy and Alice and my life is for me, too, but I started this site because there was nothing else like it for parents when I was pregnant with Lucy (there still isn’t). I couldn’t find local baby stores or daycare information, where the Early Years Centres were or that there was a special movie time for parents and babies. Or that there was a local mom like me who had tried them out and shared the experience, or changed her fifth poopy diaper in a row and was ready to run away, waving her chapped-from-washing hands in the air.

Like many women and most mothers, sometimes you just have to do things yourself. Almost four years, 1,092 posts, 3,443 comments and a sister business later — here we are.

So, shucks. And thanks.

It’s sometimes challenging to balance the business side with the fun side here and over there. But I think it works. Some days there are almost 400 people who visit this corner of the giant Internet. Granted, some land here by searching “baby butt cake” and “sugar boobs” (and you wouldn’t believe how popular “caramel popcorn recipe” is!) but others by “durham baby shows” and “play centres in whitby” and that’s incredibly gratifying for all this work.

I’d love to make a million dollars. I’d love to have both sites support my family so I don’t have to leave the house for work in the fall. Doesn’t every small business owner?

Here’s what’s new around here and there. I hope you’ll poke around and check things out, and let me know how it all looks (and if any of it’s broken, because working at 11 p.m. when you’ve been up three times a night means sometimes things get fudged up). And use them as the resource sites I’m striving for them to be:

• Looking for a local toy store? Baby CPR classes? Place to meet other parents? It’s all on one page under the new Local resource directory. You’ll see the categories splashed underneath the banner up there, too — if you’ve got a link or category to add, let me know
• On the top left sidebar, you can now search the almost 1,100 posts
• There’s now site map on the top right sidebar to navigate around easily
• Durham Region Daycare got a colourful and visual upgrade with photos! All the daycare providers who have pics of their kids and locations are randomly highlighted on the front page. In just six months, the site currently has daycare provider listings for 10 cities and towns in Durham, which I’m thrilled with

It occurred to me last night, as I was lying in bed with snot sliding down my throat and embedding itself in my lungs for today’s knee-knocking cough, that I could probably take some medicine for this bitch of a bug.

Turns out I can. Thank goodness, because I sound like a fog horn, look like death and feel like a cotton plant is shoved up my nose and down my throat. The drugs only dull the symptoms, but at least I enjoy being a tad stoned while suffering.

Man, I hate being sick. And I’m a big fat whining baby about it, too.

I doubted my capacity to look after Alice today (Lucy was in daycare), but we made it through. It’s terribly difficult for me to just sit and relax, as there’s self-imposed pressure to do stuff around the house, and lots of work to do on this site and Durham Region Daycare (where we now have over 40 listings!). Thankfully Alice nursed a lot today, so it forced me to at least be still, even if my mind wasn’t.

Our lovely teenage sitter Shelby has been popping over here each afternoon Lucy’s in daycare, and staying with Alice while I go pick up her big sister. But of course this is the week she has late basketball and can’t be here. I had to put Alice’s carseat down twice, near frozen tears of tiredness and frustration and weakness dotting my face, while walking up the driveway. All the while irrationally cursing Shelby for being so…active and involved at school.

In a good/bad development, Alice discovered her hands the past few days. Which means she gets this hilarious, wide-eyed, smiley look on her face when she sees them, raises a fist slowly to her mouth and proceeds to goober all over it. She’s also smacking toys on the bouncy chair.

But shoving her hands in her mouth makes me worry when there’s so much Sick floating around our house. I hope she doesn’t catch the flu Lucy had, or this Cold Fest Jan./09 edition. That — especially the flu — could be just awful.

But there’s no sense worrying about what hasn’t happened yet, so I’m heading to bed hoping for an energy-giving, drug-induced good night’s sleep that will help me survive tomorrow with both girls. Eric reminded me that “Treehouse is your friend, if that’s what it takes to get through the day,” and I wholeheartedly agree. Lucy will be in her glory.

In other news, our washing machine broke. We think the drain is clogged, if the error code is correct. $10 says it’s filled with dog hair.

Speaking of dogs, this evening I accidentally kicked over Spencer’s very full food bucket, sending thousands of kibbles careening across our kitchen floor and under every appliance. Simultaneously, Alice started screeching from the couch, Spencer dive-bombed the pile in excitement, and Lucy decided to “help” clean it up while licking her hands in between. So here I am trying to calm Alice from across the room, hold back Spencer’s kibble snarfing, yell at Lucy to “Stop licking your hands already, that’s so disgusting!” while snot poured out my red nose on to the tiles.

I laugh at it now. And tomorrow has to be a better day.

Next weekend is Eric’s work’s holiday party, a sort of post-Christmas dinner-dance-mingle thing at a fancy convention hall. To visit his work and meet his co-workers is a rather ridiculous feat involving a few day’s notice, registration and possible DNA sampling (kidding on the last one, but it’s not far off…) because of security, so it’s exciting to go and meet the people he talks about all the time.

Jan. 10 sort of snuck up on me, and when I saw the shindig was just a week away, a mild sense of panic took over. In stereotypical female fashion, I have nothing to wear. Literally.

Nine weeks since giving birth, my body is in that dreaded post-partum in between stage: Maternity clothes are either too big or push things up in ways they are not supposed to when one is not pregnant (belly, I’m talking to you) (and really, who wants to wear maternity clothes when they’re no longer with child?), and regular clothes are still yelling, “Hell, no, sista!” and giving me the finger from the bottom of the drawer.

I’m lumpy. And still sorta jiggly. With big boobs. Have fun clothing that.

So after a nice brunch at Golden Griddle with family this morning, Eric and I took advantage of Lucy staying over at my parents’ tonight, and hit up the Pickering Town Centre to find me A Fancy Outfit.

(Note: After adding a second child to the mix? Doing anything with just one is so. damn. easy.)

Here are my post-baby-body tips for clothes shopping:

• It takes 9+ months to put on all that weight, and it’ll take 9+ months (at least, and longer if you continue to breastfeed) to take it off. Go easy on yourself. You earned those lumps!
• Stay away from the low-waisted pants. Probably forever, as in my case, but especially right now. They are not and may never again be your friend. Once you accept this, shopping will be infinitely easier. Granted, it may take some determination to find pants that don’t show your butt crack like The Kids Are Wearing These Days, but they are out there. And I don’t mean pants that come up to your arm pits a la elastic waistband granny polyester trousers, but a mid-rise pant that sits just below the belly button
• Bring someone with you. It’s so easy to get discouraged and frustrated, and having a supportive person along is really helpful

I ended up with a jersey-like black dress pant ($30, Ricki’s), and a fuchsia, gauzy shirt ($15, H&M) that ties at my waist (not under my boobs) in the front (not at the back, both of which are too much like an empire-waisted maternity shirt, a style I will never, ever wear again for this exact reason).

I’m really happy, and can’t wait to get really dressed up for the first time in well over a year.

• Does anyone else agree the Tim Hortons drive thru should be reserved for pregnant women, those with kids in the car, the elderly and the disabled? Kind of like a “women and children first” thing? Because do you, chain-smoking cell-phone chatting man in a suit all by himself in the car, really need to clog up the line? Obviously you’re capable, what with your multi-tasking ways. And you’re one more unnecessary car between me and a much-needed tea, which I could not secure (nor a shower) because of how long it takes to stuff two squirming kids into winter gear and get out of the house
• Where in the world does babies’ green poop comes from? The yellow-brown shade I can relate to, but green? I know it’s normal, but each time I open Alice’s diaper and see those vibrant chunks, it makes me eye her suspiciously
• It’s taking me days and days of working in snippets, but I’m sending out a December newsletter this week. It’s going to include a 15%-off coupon for a neat new and local online children’s clothing resale store started by a Whitby mom
• We moved Alice into her room Sunday night. It was so nice to get our bedroom back, so we can brush our teeth with the door open, and turn the news on before bed. We kept her in so long for fear she’d wake up Lucy. But two nights in, and all is well — last night she only woke up once to eat, giving us two four-hour blocks of sleep…I’m a new woman
• Our neighbours across the road are getting geothermal heating put in, so have a giant drill in the backyard digging and digging and digging. The floor in here is rumbling, and there’s a constant hum outside
• “Is it Christmas Eve yet, Mum-Mum?” asks Lucy at every. single. meal. together. Jen O. has a hilarious post about this on My Tornado Alley
• Speaking of Lucy, today is her last day at Julia’s until Jan. 5, as our provider shuts down the two weeks of school holidays
• Tomorrow is the Durham Mom’s Night Out cookie and treat exchange, and I’m terribly excited to see everyone and come home with goodies. I’d planned to make caramel popcorn, but in the middle of the night started having second thoughts. Would you enjoy receiving a bag of that, even though it’s not a conventional cookie/treat?
• Today is the last day to enter to win the Jungle Safari gift basket from Finest Expressions! Click here to find out how to enter