Archie Comics began decades before my sister’s books scattered across our house got me hooked around 23 years ago. Like Golden Girls, they are comfort food in written form. There is something so predictable and wholesome and safe about Archie and his band of friends from the fictitious Riverdale.

And the world’s most famous love triangle — between Archie, Betty and Veronica — has defined almost every issue.

Now the word is Archie is getting married. To the girl no one wants him to.

Yes, the snooty, cold, no-common-sense bitch Veronica is said to be the recipient of Archie’s eternal love. He proposes with Betty in the room wiping a tear off her cheek.

Really. Really.

If this is actually the case, you can bet a legion of fans are going to revolt. As blinded as Archie is by Veronica’s hotness, I just can’t believe he’d pick her over uber cute, sweet, earthy Betty.

I haven’t actively bought a new Archie book in years — aside from Eric stuffing my stocking with them, my sister giving them as gifts (then reading them herself, of course!) or buying used ones at garage sales — but I now have Sept. 8 circled on my calendar to see where this goes…

I’m proud to say Lucy is an Archie fan, too. She finds the books in the bathroom and my nightstand and office, and loves to sit down and make up stories about the pictures. Alice? Well, if chewing equates love, then she is head over heels.

(That is my collection, numbering in the hundreds. The colour arranging — which needs updating — was inspired by this.)

Thanks to my sister, Michele, and reader Kelly for having this in my inbox this morning

I’ve created a Facebook page for Durham Region Baby.

You’re all supposed to join. Because that’s the cool sic? sick(?) thing the young people do nowadays. And you’re young, right? Or…you’ve got young people at home? You think young? You miss being young?

I can’t bring myself to Twitter. I should. But I fear the vortex that is the Interweb will suck me in for good.

Click here to join!

Durham Parent March Break Guide: Camps, indoor, outdoor and silly activities for next week, including neat local places to visit.

The idea of a “baby brain” phenomenon that turns a woman’s mind to “mush” when she is pregnant is a myth and the child bearing process may actually improve the brain, research suggests: Hogwash. How many of you were ridiculously forgetful and incompetent while with child? My hand is waving in the air. And it continues after birth, too (especially with two). An old friend told me once that a good chunk of your brain cells are delivered along with the placenta. I agree.

Getting kids to eat vegetables and other healthy foods: An excellent follow-up to our discussion the other day about picky eaters. I love the tips about making food fun (Lucy loves when we make happy faces with ketchup), never make food a reward (oops), and avoiding a power struggle.

The Scrunge: Any of you have glass ceramic stoves? I love mine, but it’s a bitch to clean. Stuff gets burned on so easily (even water!), and it really hard to get off. But not with this baby. The Scrunge is chemical free — just a sponge-like scrubber — and works like magic. The top of my stove is now clean for the first time since August 2007 when we bought it. Thanks for sharing, Mom!

The world’s least surprising story: From the world’s worst role model for girls. “Paris Hilton spent day two in Hawaii yesterday, and did she make sure that every possible instant was documented by the paparazzi, even during her time underwater? Of course she did. Why wouldn’t she.”

Turning lemons into lemonade: Jen O. is battling ever parents’ dirty secret — a bad sleeper. Her daughter may be up there on the world’s most adorable baby list, but she is making a zombie out of her mother. Jen shared some fabulous sleep tips from her research, and lays out a plan to hopefully help her whole family get some more z’s. Go share your tips and love. She needs it.

Quick and dirty on sleep: Speaking of, my parenting guru Moxie has the best ever articles on sleep issues of all ages. Just search sleep on her site. This link is an excellent overview. Eg: Have you heard of the 2-3-4 schedule? That a surprising # of kids follow this pattern: Morning nap around 2 hours after waking, an afternoon nap around 3 hours after waking from the morning nap, and into bed around 4 hours after waking from the afternoon nap. This was so true with Lucy, and now that I’m reminded of it and using it with Alice, it makes so much sense.

Sympatico has this neat online program where you can make a video message from Santa for your child!

You choose his/her name from a huge list (they actually had Lucy), their age, province, what presents they want, and other details to personalize it. The Santa in the video meshes it all for you  to watch together. I can’t wait for Lucy to wake up from her nap to show her hers.

Click here to create your own. Thanks for the link, Angie!

Completely unrelated, Eric’s cousin, Ted, sent this…disturbing but hilarious link for all of you: Macabre plush toys are the perfect gift for future psycho killers.

“Why buy a stupid Elmo when you can permanently disturb that young mind with a cute knitted plush rabbit killed with a giant carrot? Or a beautiful tiger eating some human remains?”

Nope, not kidding. Gotta love crazy crafters!

• Spooky Halloween food for kids: Some really cool ideas here, including a skeleton veggie n’ dip tray and jack-o-lantern layered dip 
• Best of Parent Hacks — Halloween: Tons of fabulous stuff for both before (new-sew costumes, how-to remove face paint, toddler-friendly jack-o-lantern decorating) and after (discounted costumes great for dress-up, candy in cookies, store Halloween books with decorations) the holiday
• Decorating and carving pumpkins: Oh, Martha, you and your fabulous jack-o-lantern ideas…
• Pumpkin desserts: Oh, Martha, you and your fabulous baking ideas…
• Pet costumes: Maybe spending more time doing Google image searches for these will send me into labour, because I’m killing myself laughing (especially because most of the animal faces read: “I am going to kill you in your sleep for making me do this”)
• Costco chocolate coins melamine tainted: Yep, some of the toxic milk products from China made it out through a big distributor. See details on Snopes and the Canadian Food Inspection Agency

• One of my new favourite sites is called Cake Wrecks, “when professional cakes go horribly, hilariously wrong.” You are not going to believe the baby bum and redneck pregnancy cakes in this post
• California — the birth place of drive-throughs — is trying to ban fast food
• Closer to home, London, Ont., has banned the sale of bottled water in many government buildings including arenas and golf courses (yippee!)
• How to buy green gifts
• Totally, absolutely, insanely cool new crayons from old ones. You MUST check these out!
• The U.S. Federal Drug Administration (FDA) has declared Bisphenol A, or BPA — the chemical used in various plastic bottles and can linings that Health Canada recently banned, consumers in Arkansas, California, and Ohio have filed lawsuits over, and Playtex and Nalgene have stopped using — as safe

Further proof the nickname for my in-utero babies is appropriate:

“Scientists have known for a while that parasites can induce “behavioral modification” in its hosts – but this one is new: a parasite that turns its host into a bodyguard!

Inside the caterpillar host, a cruel drama takes place: the eggs of the parasitoid hatch and the larvae feed on the body fluids of the host. The caterpillar continues feeding, moving and growing like its unparasitized brothers and sisters. When the parasitoid larvae are full-grown, they emerge together through the host’s skin, and start pupating nearby. Unlike many other combinations of host and parasitoid, the host remains alive but displays spectacular changes in its behaviour: it stops feeding and remains close to the parasitoid pupae. Moreover, it defends the parasitoid pupae against approaching predators with violent head-swings.”

Now you see it, now you don’t: Cookie magazine and Apartment Therapy’s ohdeeoh recently held this neat contest to find parents’ best solutions for kid clutter and storage. There are some really neat, funky ideas here.

The 50 best Sesame Street moments: Walk down memory lane with these. Can you believe this show has been on the air for more than 35 years?! You must watch # 9 (Mr. Hooper isn’t coming back — oh, how heartbreaking…) and of course, #1, Ernie singing “Rubber Duckie.”

The source of women’s housework — their husbands!: You hardly even need to click here to know this, but still an interesting read.

The best baby laughs: A compilation from YouTube. Absolutely hilarious. Not as funny as my girl, of course, but up there (I still watch this video once a week, and each and every time it totally makes me cry with the happy).

Ever wondered where babies come from? Or need a rather no-holds-barred, to-the-point guide for your kids?

The Germans (is anyone surprised at this?) show you, in hilarious picture book form.

(Note: If you are educated on where babies come from, you’re smart enough to know picture book+ that = the book has nekkid people in it. Illustrated, yes, but the drawing of the smiling baby emerging from spread le…it’s probably not safe for work, people, is all I’m saying.)

Link via reader Athena of How Soon is Now. Thanks!

…aren’t we all keeping our fingers crossed that this will happen?

Oh, Joey. My sweet preteen heart throb. Don’t be mad that my lust for Marky Mark now much outweighs you.

Hangin’ Tough